Chapter 35

26 Sep 2017 Leave a comment

by CEOTherapist22 in #Chapter35, Daddy and I, Daddy Daughter Faith, Daddy's Daughter Tags: , , , , ,

So this is going to be a different blog because I am writing this from a heart of  frustration in the beginning. I know you, my readers are wonder what’s going on, what is so different about this blog. Well this blog is different because I am going to throw a great big pity party in the beginning then end it with what you are use to….A Daddy Daughter moment.

So let’s get to business shall we… Today I turn 35… I know some are wondering what’s the big deal. Well the big deal is at 35 this place that I am at in life is not where I thought I would be. Never thought I would be divorce, unmarried, no kids, lost and confused about my next steps, still learning to trust Daddy with the little things, and wonder where in the heck am I going to do now that all my career goals have been accomplished… So I think. Never would I have thought that I would feel like Daddy was not hearing me or leading me on,  while just being found in another process. Process… Now that’s a word that keeps echoing in my spirit, ringing in my ear, and become the one thing I really don’t understand, the why behind. I feel like this process has been going on for the last 5 years and I still don’t understand when the end is coming. Or even if there is an end.. (If you are wondering if this is my pity party? The answer is simply yes. So pull you up a sit and get you something to drink because the turn up is about to get real) So here I am at Chapter 35 and I am  thinking to myself… Really GOD this is it? This is the chapter of the middle of the road. I am 5 years into my 30’s and 5 years away from 40… and I have nothing but heartache to show for it. I am on my facebook page and on my timeline all I see is engagement, babies, wedding… EVERYTHING I have prayed for…. Oh and I haven’t just prayed cute prayers for these things, I have fast, rolled on the floor, cried my eyes out, tarried, went into tongues, shouted, and the list goes on and on. But yet the people that barely know you Daddy, or even want to know you…. Get it instantly. I mean they haven’t even said a Hello to you, they are the ones with my blessings… (Yep I am at the feed up part of the pity party… just in cause you were wonder) But in all my pity and before the party really gets turnt up… I hear Daddy say this…

Look up the number 35 and tell me what it means in my biblical meaning. I am obedient even in my anger and pity… Yep I am angry because I feel like I have done enough to at least feel like Daddy is working on something, yet I feel nothing. I look up the biblical meaning of 35 and you know what it says. Vindication. The number 35 means vindication, but it doesn’t stop there it. It means to gain hope, confidence, and trust. UGH!!!! Daddy just mess me all the way up. Then Daddy speaks:

“Daughter you think that in the last 5 years I have been silently listen to you pour out your heart with tears in your eyes while you pour out your soul all at the same time. Do you think I enjoy your pity parties, your doubt in me because I am not moving in your timing? Do you think I would forsake my word that says that I will never leave you or forsake you to make a point? Do you think that’s the kind of GOD I am….matter of fact do you think that’s the kind of Daddy I am?” and with tears in my eyes and my voice shaky I say no.  Then he poured out this revelation on why chapter 35 is hard for me to accept. Now please for those that are 35 or about to be, this revelation is deep and will cause you to really look at Chapter 35 a different way. For those that aren’t in Chapter 35 yet or surpassed it, trust this revelation will still hit home.

“The reason  daughter you find it hard to accept Chapter 35 is because you find it hard to believe I will truly vindicate all those that have done your wrong, devalued you, mistreated you, used you, and abused you.You think I forgot how you poured your heart out about the hurt they cause, and though you have forgiven them, the scares still sometimes hurt to look at. You think I haven’t felt your rejection. persecution, or disappointment? You think I did not see how it tore your heart into to watch them leave you in your most vulnerable place just so they can be happy, with the disregard of your feelings? You didn’t think I saw how the enemy took pleasure and using your anger, against you? You think I didn’t see how the enemy tried to rip you out my arm, make you feel like I didn’t love you, or I wasn’t there when the hurt become to much for you to bare? When you wanted to end it all because it was too much for you to deal with, for your comprehend, and too much for you to give? I was there looking and watching it all take place.  It hurt me really bad to see you like that. But it was in those moments that I need you to grow, to mature, to trust me, to love, to have hope in me and realize that I got your back. It was in those moments that I sat up in my seat waiting for you to response so that I may get the glory. And daughter there were moments that you failed, but there were also moments where you succeed. In those moments of success is where my glory made a way for your story to be so much greater. It’s time that you let me restore. It’s time that you trust me and have confident in this one thing….You will see my goodness. You will experience my joy… I have not forgotten about you. You are  still  worth the work of the cross… you are still worth the breath that I breathe into your lungs everyday. You are worth more to me than the life I created in you. You are the apple of my eye and you are wonderfully made in my image and there is nothing you or anyone on this earth I made that can take away that value. So please gather the decorations from your pity party  and throw them in the trash, for I am your Daddy and you are so ready for your vindication.”

Now this message may seem personal and to a certain point it is, but know that it is also meant as a reminder that you are worth it all. Everything Daddy  has for you is worth your wait, time, and trust in HIM. Never allow your timing to become a weight on your waiting that you miss your moment to experience GOD’s glory.

Prayer: Daddy you  are more than life to us. There are not enough words in our vocabulary that can express the gratitude of our hearts. You give us freedom when we are bound by sin, you give us life when death had the right to call us his, and you give us joy when we abused your grace. Thank you Daddy for always giving us another change to get  right. For us to throw away our pity party decorations and put on the gladness of your joy, the full armor of you for war, and your peace that surpasses our understanding. Thank you for your perfect timing and the ability to give us the desire of our hearts, because we live in your heart desires. In Jesus Name…AMEN

 

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Trusting Daddy Again

28 Jun 2017 Leave a comment

by CEOTherapist22 in Daddy Daughter Faith, Faith is..., The Faith Process, Trusting Daddy, Uncategorized

Hello Readers!

I know.. I know it’s been a while but after constant conversations with Daddy I am in a place where I have to make this a priority again. So today I want to talk about the process of faith. On the way to work and just in the last couple of months (9 months to be exact) GOD has really been challenging me in the area of faith. Yep FAITH. So I was in the car today and I ask Daddy why do I continue to get the prophetic word that says I need to trust you? That you are isolating me? That I have to deal with the pruning and and make scarifies?  And he told me Daughter look at your actions. I will tell you to do the simple things and you are asking questions like Daddy is that you?!? I know I am not by myself and if I am then …. That’s fine, because today I want to share the start of this process of examination of my faith. As Daddy continue to show me, my faith issues and areas I continue to waiver in when trusting him; of course the spirit of conviction came over me, and this scripture hit my soul:

5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. 6 But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. (James 1:5-6)  


Do you know how many time I’ve asked Daddy to guide and give me the wisdom to move forward in the things that he has called me to.. I mean this blog for example is one that can truly be a faith move of wisdom in action. But it’s verse 6 that cut me ….. ” you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.” I am in tears just meditating and speaking on the verse. I got the revelation that the life changes that I have and am experiencing are not just due to season changes alone, but to the fact that I have cast myself to the winds…. EEW!!! Please forgive my overwhelm conviction right now. I am in a place where I am trying to learn Daddy as “I AM,” and that takes a lot. Because to know him as ” I AM” you are going to have to examine your faith. You are going to have to get out the currents of the winds and get on the boat and ride it out. Oh I am preach to myself and probably some of you. But I had to ask Daddy when and how did I get here.. His response, “You tell me.” I was like I don’t know.. Was it before the marriage or after? Was it before all the life changing events… divorce…death..moving…being a daughter….embracing me again…?!?! I don’t know.. Then Daddy was like you do but maybe you don’t want to admit it. Actually I do remember…. It was the divorce. It was when I thought I had totally blew it and I have never bounced back from it. Ever since my divorce I have been caught in the currents of the waves and winds. I have created gods that were higher than Daddy unintentionally and I have allowed those to be my hiding places. One being my sorority… Yep I am sorority girl… I love my sorority and all my sorority sisters. They have been a blessing to me in every life changing event. They have supported, held me up, and prayed with me. Even this past week when I thought I was having a stroke and had to go the ER (by the way I am ok it was not a stroke, just a wake up call to take care of me more better.) they were praying and keeping me calm. They were willing to drive to my aid. But in my conversation with Daddy, he told me it’s time that I let them go… Not the relationship but the duty of god that I have made them. Again without the intention to do so. This goes also with certain friends and even relationships I have. I have cause them to be a priority over GOD… Over DADDY! So that is the reason for my prophetic word of isolation and pruning, Learning to let go of  your security is a hard and heart thing to do. But it must be done, and done not in your strength, but that of THE FATHER. So as I continue to examine my faith I have made up in my mind that this is a process. It’s not going to happen overnight but it is something that I must endure. I must  realize that the process will truly yield great fruit. 

So today as I take this journey of examining my faith I will share with you… my readers the process and downloads that Daddy shares with me. Today we take a journey to make Daddy not only a priority again, but to also make his trust our truth. I don’t know about you but I am tired of getting toss to and fro by the winds and waves of my own doubt, created  by my emotions, fueled by my insecurities, and covered by my words. TODAY is a new day and will continue to be the process of  GREATNESS.

Prayer: Daddy today as we examine our faith in you, help us realize what we contribute to the doubt of trusting you. Help us realize the brokenness that we have carried and tried to fix is not for us to hold on to or even deal with; but the perfect opportunity for us to surrender to you. Daddy help us to trust you again in all things, and not the things we do not have plans of actions for. Help us be in a position were we are not delayed in our obedience or questioning the motives of your instructions. Helps us always say “YES DADDY.” Help and remind us that surrendering all is an everyday process, because the all we surrendered yesterday, comes with today’s surrendering. Daddy help us live life in the words of mandated trust and not that of  “I might trust”. Daddy gives us a heart to realize though your timing is not what we want it to be, it is still perfect, and that you only want the best for us. Help us let go of gods that we have created in our lives intentionally or unintentionally, that we can only see you. Bring us back to the place were your presence was all that we needed. That your yes was all we had.

In Jesus Name,  Amen!

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